I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
