Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
