Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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