i think my mom watched the whole time
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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