Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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