yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
