go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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