make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
