Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
