It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
