I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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