I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
