Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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