Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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