i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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