sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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