I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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