you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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