I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
