Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
