I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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