and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Mom said you looked used
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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