She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
