what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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