my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
