I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
