i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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