I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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