I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
