Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
