I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
