i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
