Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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