There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
