Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
