Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
