There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
