The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
