You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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