my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
