Fuck appropriateness.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
