Kiss
Puke
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
