At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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