wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
