FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
