If i come over, it means nothing
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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