one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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