Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize