I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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