I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
