Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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