Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
