My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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