my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
