I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
