phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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