Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
