at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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