if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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