Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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