im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
