I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
