i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
