Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
