I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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