you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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