i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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