Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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