Your dad touched me again.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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