I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
