I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
