I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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