New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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