awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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