Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
