also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
