he wants to bone in the snuggie
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
