I bet he comes in French.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
